I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize