i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
