im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize