The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize