i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
