i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
