I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
