We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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