You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
false alarm. still invincible.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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