I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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