hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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