im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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