True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
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just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize