; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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