I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
