sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
