I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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