I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
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all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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