they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
