so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
