Please, let me fuck your mom
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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