i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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