So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My bed smells like the plague
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
