his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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