I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
