i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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