I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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