is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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