i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
