He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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