I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
