i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
