Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
