Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
