I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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