well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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