you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
