I got her a Nickelback box set.
it's like iHOP with fire
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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