so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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