What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize