"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
