Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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