While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
