There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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