the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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