The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
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How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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