In the future we'll all be gay
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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