using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
