she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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