I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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