Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
