It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
