8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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