chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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