you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
