Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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