I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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