She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
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Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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