I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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