i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
